You are not a clone, you’re unique. I know I am! Yet most Spoons are factory made. Clones. Treat yourself to a bespoke tool, whittled, cutled, mongered and explained by a Monger. Live a little.
It’s not the cough that'll carry you off, it’s the coffin they'll carry you off in. And so to a Viking burial coffin soaring to Valhalla. Some were set fire and sent off to sea as a funeral pyre. Mine was too nice to do that to. But it got me thinking about religions.
It’s a Spoonerism!! Not the best because it doesn't really have a meaning as such. Or does it? Bring on Mr Maxwell and his particles. Linguistic wordplay, tautologies, mal mot with the help of Jorge Luis Borge, Locke, oxymorons and moo-cows!
Jack is an old word for thief. And the Daws (corvids) have been renowned for nicking trinkets and such like. And so with mention of Gazza, the Welsh Fusiliers and the Romans I ramble on. People who collect things also seem, to me, to be manically or obsessively acquisitive. But some people cannot help themselves and even collect ... spoons!
It's amazing what happens when a piece of wood decides to do its own thing. One minute it's going to be one shape - and then by an amazing fluke, it turns into a whale! This can be because the axe slips, the attention wanders or the grain takes the knife. So the whittler and their tools plus the wood and its spirit merge, allowing a design to e-merge. Why don’t we sound the K in knife? The French do.
Did you know that food tastes different depending on what the spoon is made out of? Gold adds no taste, but a silver spoon is ideal. Scientists say so - read the Flavour Journal article I link to for more. So choose your wooden spoon carefully as the type of wood and the shape can affect your taste buds. PhDs have been written on this - I’m sure there’s an igNobel prize in there for someone!
I absolutely refuse to make a Spurtle. Why would you "spurt" when making food - even porridge? Plus it was just a stick anyway? So this is a vast improvement, and does a better job. It is called a Stirrer for reasons that should become obvious to you, Gentle Reader. Meet a Porridge Bathelor. I explain ...
Edward Lear invented the Runcible Spoon, mentions it in a few poems and even drew it. So I made one. Be runcible! I've no idea who will find this spoon useful, or in what way, but if a Duck can use it, you can too. Some of my spoons are even designed for left handed people. Or sinister people.
Using a spoon is a mark of intelligence. Prisoners escaped from Alcatraz by digging their way out with spoons and even used them as tiny paddles on their way across the Bay, possibly. This spoon will specifically not survive hacking through a wall and so is excellent for use in prisons. Lets wander our minds on a long lead through Neanderthals and the Scottish. And a stupid Koala!
Many minorities use spoons. I myself am in several minorities - so people tell me. And I use spoons! They address the difficulties that we might have eating. Minority ≠ Disability. However I am old enough to be part of what you would call history - and not very “woke”, also bald and definitely a man (therefor often wrong). So if I’ve managed to offend you, and you consider that a bad thing - do say. It wasn’t intentional. Please advise. Minority Spoons May 2020
