You are not a clone, you’re unique. I hope I’m a one-off, anyway! Yet most Spoons are factory made. Clones. Treat yourself to a bespoke tool, whittled, cutled, mongered and explained by a Monger. Live a little.
Weird. Convergent evolution. NFTs. I started by seeing a fossil in the wood, thought through a chain of ideas (I say ‘thought’ as if it was a conscious process. It rarely is. Just serendipity!) and ended up with an expensive fart. I thought it, brought it, maybe you saught it, bought it, fought over it, caught it, all for naught. Taught a lesson!
Actually a wooden knife, it certainly cuts paper. But would still be beaten by scissors and rock. As always I have designed it ergonomically and it really is surprisingly strong, sharp and dangerous. Martin Luther King was stabbed with one, just missing an artery. Please don’t try this at home.
It’s not the cough that'll carry you off, it’s the coffin they'll carry you off in. Some Viking burials involved fire and sending off to sea as a funeral pyre. Mine was too nice to do that to. But it is ideal for putting cigarettes in, or weed, or whatever else you might want to be your cause of death. Simple, rough hewn. My thoughts meandered on to career religions, Jainism, through animism and onto Panpsychism. Carl Sagan's view on the subject "We are a way for the Cosmos to know itself".
It's amazing what happens when a piece of wood decides to do its own thing. One minute it's going to be one shape - and then by an amazing fluke, it turns into a whale! This can be because the axe slips, the attention wanders or the grain takes the knife. So the whittler and their tools plus the wood and its spirit merge, allowing a design to e-merge. Such is fate!
Did you know that food tastes different depending on what the spoon is made out of? Gold adds no taste, but a silver spoon is ideal. Scientists say so - read the Flavour Journal article I link to for more. So choose your wooden spoon carefully as the type of wood and the shape can affect your taste buds. PhDs have been written on this - I’m sure there’s an igNobel prize in there for someone!
I absolutely refuse to make a Spurtle. Why would you "spurt" when making food - even porridge? Plus it was just a stick anyway? So this is a vast improvement, and does a better job. It is called a Stirrer for reasons that should become obvious to you, Gentle Reader. Meet a Porridge Bathelor. I explain ...
Using a spoon is a mark of intelligence. Prisoners escaped from Alcatraz by digging their way out with spoons and even used them as tiny paddles on their way across the Bay, possibly. This spoon will specifically not survive hacking through a wall and so is excellent for use in prisons. Lets wander our minds on a long lead through Neanderthals and the Scottish. And a stupid Koala!
I have invented spoons for aliens Though I don’t know any, at least knowingly, to test them on. Anti-vaxxers, flat earthers, climate deny-ers may all be slipping through the net of intelligent humans. However "When we're talking about aliens, we're really talking about those people around us who maybe we don't entirely understand." I started with Daleks, and to be fair, that's as far as I got! However the Curiosity rover has spotted spoons on Mars. Read on!!
Many minorities use spoons. I myself am in several minorities - so people tell me. And I use spoons! They address the difficulties that we might have eating. Minority ≠ Disability. However I am old enough to be part of what you would call history - and not very “woke”, also bald and definitely a man (therefor often wrong). So if I’ve managed to offend you, and you consider that a bad thing - do say. It wasn’t intentional. Please advise. Minority Spoons May 2020
